What's up with this guy?

On a day where Halloween costumes abound, this dude really doesn't need one...

Who is he? Phil Spector
What is he? legendary Rock music producer
Why does he look like such a spaz? Well it could be that he was a 60's music producer, knew the Beatles, knew all the big names, did body-wracking drugs and he's eccentric? Or it could be that he's on trial for murdering a young actress in his home. I don't know, one of the two is probably correct... How about both? Weirdo.

Check out Courttv.com for more of the story.

(Can't you just hear him in some silly British accent ramblingoff eccentricities about whether Pandas should wear shoes on their heads or some weird crap like that?)

Uh you might have a problem

(I'm sure some of you have seen this before)

Ok I'm a huge copycat, but I don't care: Let's think of some captions for this:

*You'd think you'd try and get something like this removed before it became a full-blown jack-o-lantern!
*They aren't kidding when they say it'll go right to your ASS!

*Uh, you have something on your butt...

*What did you say? You say the pumpkin really likes sausage? EW!

*I think you sat in some pumpkin

*Do you have to light your fart to get the pumpkin to lit up?

*This is what happens when you cross a pumpkin with a human

*You'd either have to be really drunk or being held at gunpoint to actually do this for someone.

Why Do Olyphants Have Such Big Ears?

Reasons why I founded the Church of Dane Cook in 2000.

• He can kick his shoes of in a fit of joy
• He wants to own a monkey that he can fight battles with
• He grew up Catholic-he understands snack time in the middle of mass
• I mean.. What is Jelly?
• He writes songs to the tune of car alarms
• He wants acidy spit (why not me?!)
• He thinks its cute when girls can't find the car door handle
• Someone shit on the coats
• He worked in the BK Lounge
• He had a bedazzled jean jacket
• His monkey can talk
• He's just gotta dance. Screw chicks bro.

I have spread the word and preached the standup according to Dane. We have grown from 2 to 9 members. Man I am good.

• (Oh yeah) and he's totally hot.

Announcements to members:
*Weezie will be our mascot (please refer to her as your Weezieness)
*Jeezits at communion this week
*Don't forget your shoes

Truly these do go hand in hand.....

I would like to share with you a conversation I had with my best friend Piper, while we were ten feet from each other. And we IM'd this. On Yahoo. This is what we do. I'm scared.

(Here is the scenario... I was reading stuff online making me chuckle and well it was blogs. ANd yes she was right. But why should I let her know she was right?)
****
Paper: BLOG HEAD!
Meg: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Meg: me not blog
Meg: uh,,,
Meg: me making website
Paper: WHATEVEROYAOPR3300
Meg: yo uknow nothing you terd
Meg: scarer of me
Paper: I KNOW IT...YOU LOVE TERD
Meg: TERRRRRRRD
Paper: FART
Meg: i like to spell it that way too cause it's funnier than TURD
Paper: BLOG BLOG BLOG
Meg: shut up you
Paper: YOU STICK IT UP THE BUTT!
Meg: up your nose iwth a rubber hose
Paper: DOWN YOUR PANTS WITH A FATTY DANCE
Meg: In your belly button witha plastic melon
Paper: in your elbow with a cowbell
Meg: down your throat with a prickly goat
Paper: in your eye with a peacock pie
Meg: in your OTHER eye with a CHICKEN THIGH
Paper: through your ear with an yummy beer
Meg: OUT your rear like a big Green Cucumber colored turd
Meg: :-P
Meg: i am going to blog about this
Paper: sweet man!!
Paper: i made it big time!
Meg: LOL gosh sometimes you are SO funny! (well MOST of the time, heck probly 99.5% of the time you are so funny.)(
Meg: hey that looked like a butt
Meg: )(
Meg: with a zit
Meg: .)(
Paper: butt checks
Meg: cheeks
Paper: watch a fart )*(
Meg: write me a butt check please
Meg: or! )o(
Meg: whats that?
Meg: it's the brown eye
Paper: purple eye
Meg: Ouch
Meg: I don't want to know why it's purple
Paper: i think only on kitty cats
Meg: WHY???
Meg: what do they eat that makes them purple?
Paper: tu-shay my friend tu-shay!
Meg: i don't even know how to spell that
Meg: tuce
Paper: they have skin under their furrrrrr and it's purple so they can't have any fur on their butts so that is the color
Meg: Ahhhhhhhh. yes you are very wise.
Meg: you've studied these a lot then?
****
And that's where it stopped. Probably to be picked up again in 30 minutes with some completely OTHER random conversation. Imagine what it would be like if these converstations happened OUT LOUD.

Check this pic out:
(This is not a cat, people. This would be an angora rabbit...) Someone blogged this as a cat. and not only a cat but the best darn cat ever. Ok that's it. I'm done randomly babbling for the day.

How I waste my time:

I've been thinking about my days at work, what I do and how productive I am. I'm figuring that I only get about 15 minutes of real work done per week.. (Thank you Office Space for making me see the light.) below is today's list of wasted time... What about you? What is your list of wasted time in your day? Tell me. I could use more ideas on how to waste mine!

1. Tell my coworkers random stories about Farm Animals I see on my way to work.
2. Look at my wedding registry for updates, even though that's old news now
3. Plan scrapbook pages in my head
4. Read and comment on everyone's blog
5. Refresh the screen waiting to see a comment to my comment
6. IM'ng the chicas
7. Sit in traffic to and from work (ok, that's not my fault)
8. Reorganize my desk
9. Shop Online for things I don't need
10. break matt's computer so that the Duck doesn't have time to blog and he has to fix it
11. Spin around in my chair
12. Tell incredibly boring anecdotes about my beloved fur-kids that no one cares to hear about but they politely listen anyway and then rip on me as soon as I leave the room...

So what rattled around in YOUR head last night?

• When I die I want to be a ghost. I will be a helpful ghost who will bring people the remote when they are all comfy on the couch and it is across the room on the end table.
• Will anyone ever do a cover version of a New Kids on the Block song? (Someone actually wrote a legal paper about them!)
• Why are rollarskates back in? If I had kept my "My Little Pony" rollarskates, would I be trendy? Are leg-warmers next?
• I think I am suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Wedding disorder. Last night I had a dream that my hairdresser took off for Mexico the day of the wedding and I decided that I was going to switch dresses at the last minute. How long does this disorder last?
• Why do my 50 lb German Shepherd and 160 lb Saint Bernard think it's so much fun to body slam me constantly at 60 mph? At the same TIME.
• Why is Boy George such a freak?

News of the Day: The Oh So Important Opinions of Me...

Feel free to "discuss" and "talk amongst yourselves"

War waged against Smurfs; Is Gargamel to Blame? Belgium UNICEF releases some horrific pictures of battles waged in the Smurf's village... I had no idea they were even at war.

Swims like a fish... Now this is truly some heart-warming news! A 9 year-old boy swims from Alcatraz to shore and raised $30,000 for Hurricane Katrina victims. Nothing funny about that. Just good to see news like this for once.

No More Plumber's Crack Finally fashonista's are realizing that butt cleavage isn't "in." It's not pretty. Now perhaps portly teenage girls will wear jeans that raise to at least their hips instead of grazing their butt-cracks and bulging out their sides?

What a fitting... Epitaph?

Word on the street is there is a new way to be immortalized in life and a new way for your loved ones to remember you and even to touch you every day. People, I'm talking about being cremated and being turned into a diamond (blue or yellow-your choice!) after death. Apparently the new thing is to take a tiny amount of your ashes to be turned into graphite and then put into super heated ovens to be turned into a diamond or two. I was already precious, lets turn me into a precious gem for eternity. But, don't just think you can pop into any jewelry store for this. The market is small and you can hand out a pretty penny for a pretty dead-person stone. Expect to pay anywhere from 2700-20k dollars for this. Perhaps you can use your inheritance? Tell Grandma to plan for it in her will.

This was a practice post. But what a cute little guy to practice with!

Little Baby Long Coat

Is there an initiation rite?

Yep I've finally joined the bandwagon. After months of not even really knowing what the heck (or who for that matter) "blog" even was I have created my own. So what do i get for being a blogger now?

This is the Official Welcome to the Foolishness Continuum, or TFC as it is known in da fam.
TFC started about 8 years ago when my dad and I started to write emails to each other on a daily basis beginning in my first year of college. Year after year TFC escalated and so did the obsurdity. I'd now like to open it up to the masses.
It's gonna take awhile for this to get going be patient!