Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Why Do Olyphants Have Such Big Ears?



Reasons why I founded the Church of Dane Cook in 2000.


  • He can kick his shoes of in a fit of joy
  • He wants to own a monkey that he can fight battles with
  • He grew up Catholic-he understands snack time in the middle of mass
  • I mean.. What is Jelly?
  • He writes songs to the tune of car alarms
  • He wants acidy spit (why not me?!)
  • He thinks its cute when girls can't find the car door handle
  • Someone shit on the coats
  • He worked in the BK Lounge
  • He had a bedazzled jean jacket
  • His monkey can talk
  • He's just gotta dance. Screw chicks bro.

I have spread the word and preached the standup according to Dane. We have grown from 2 to 9 members. Man I am good.

  • (Oh yeah) and he's totally hot.

Announcements to members:
*Weezie will be our mascot (please refer to her as your Weezieness)
*Jeezits at communion this week
*Don't forget your shoes

4 comments:

MRae said...

he's totally hot. That picture is of him getting ready for snack time in the middle of mass. Sigh... some people just don't get it. :-P I haven't seen Waiting yet. tell me what you think, and then we'll talk about who's hotter.

(So you'd hit that, just like that McDonalds commercial?)

Mr. Shife said...

I thought you guys were talking about how hot the ferrets were. I am so confused.

MRae said...

Well... Is Ferret Love like Muskrat Love?

MRae said...

I wish my ferret would wear a hat... THanks for stopping by totalhero!

Duck: No glove, no love.